La-Tessa Montgomery

Life’s disappointments hurt, so do failure and betrayal on any level
Even the strongest can crack under the stress of hypocrisy, unfairness and loneliness

My life on the edge…
It’s simple really; it’s a long way down
And there’s no way I can survive the fall
Is there?

But it feels like the only way out sometimes…most times
Right now

If I take just one step, Gravity will do the rest

But the funny thing is even if I don’t. Even if I keep my feet firmly on solid ground
Gravity will still be there, and it’ll still do its job
Keeping all things anchored, all things grounded

Even when you don’t wanna be anchored. Or grounded

Sometimes I wanna free fall
Sometimes I wanna just let my problems
My hurts
My inadequacies

Go

Yet Gravity keeps me tethered

To reality
To the pain
To unfounded fears

I’m not sure that’s something I can handle just right now
But, it’s a long way down…

I wonder…
Is the darkness comforting?
Will it help me forget?
Will it mask  the pain of landing?

Gravity…
It won’t let me go, yet it can’t help but make me fall
If I take that step…

Will fear cocoon me in its warm, suffocating embrace
If I take that step?

Will falling grant me the opportunity to think, to reflect
If I take that step?

Or will I instead hear The Voice
The one that laughs at me, taunts me… ridicules me

The one that says:
YOU are nothing; YOU are inconsequential, YOU cannot do it

There’s only one way to find out

But damn, it’s a long way down

Image: Mirianda.com

I managed 216 new words yesterday. Not much but progress is progress, so I’ll take it.   At first I wasn’t going to write anything, despite my plans to do so.  I’ve really been struggling lately with actually putting my butt in the chair and my hands on the keyboard and working on any of my wips.  Yes, I have a lot going on both professional and personally, but even taking that into consideration, there has been a tangible block to me writing.  And I believe, no I know it’s been more mental than physical.  But I received a  call last night from a friend, who happens to also be a writer, and I was inspired/encouraged sit down and do something after our talk–which oddly enough only focused on writing for like 5 mins of our nearly 2 hr conversation.

So even though I didn’t want too, and even though I needed to go to bed within the next 20 mins,  I pulled out the laptop and tackled a brand new scene in my UF wip.  And with no plan or outline I might add, just a general thought I wrote down while doing my narrative outline last week.  Amazingly, it went well.  I’ve been so busy lately doing other things like workshop and program outlines, critiques, and brainstorming (all things I enjoy doing), that I’d forgotten how good it feels to let loose and just write.  Once I tapped into that special place, the one where the natural words, cadence, ideas and imagery lives,  the words just flowed.  Yeah, it was only 20 mins and yes, it was only 216 words, but I was enough to get me back into the swing of things. I got my mojo back, I got the jones for that feeling back, I got the excitement about my story back, I got the confidence in my words and my abilities back.  Those 216 words are so much bigger than the number seems.

I tell ya, Zen is the plane on which no inner critics exists.  As a writer, I’ve got to learn to tune out my left brain better when I’m tackling right brained activities.  There is a difference in the creative skill set needed to write vs the one needed to revise.  I’ve also got to get back into my daily writing habit, even if it’s just 216 words a day I manage.

“Trust only movement. Life happens at the level of events, not words.  Trust movement.” ~Alfred Alder

I’ve decided to trust movement.

Image source

Been in a bit of a funk lately, for a multitude of reasons. But from a writing perspective, I’ve been having MAJOR computer issues that have been frustrating, to say the very least. The second (and I mean the second) I get back into rhythm with brainstorming, writing, planning, creating…. the darn thing would either freeze, blink, or just not come the heck on!

But anywho, I have taken care of that problem and I’m officially jumping back into the saddle. I have a 90,000 word manuscript to revise and get in to my mentor, and I’ve given myself about a month to do it.   So it’s time to do it to it!

But, back to my funky mood.  As an author, it’s hard for me to write through certain emotions and trials.  We’re all unique in that we all handle things different. Some of us thrive in the good times, while others are so busy not trusting it, refusing to live in the moment, that doubt and insecurity creep in– effectively chasing the “happy” away.

Without putting too fine a point on things, I’ve been in a bit of a rainy season myself.  This also means different things to different people.  Initially, when I make reference to rain or rainy seasons, I see bleak, gray skies, slippery mud, and crops, roads, and structures washing away in a resulting flood.  A bit gloomy and tenebrous I know, but I do have an active imagination .

To this end, it’s not been a very fun time for me, however rain doesn’t always mean despair.  For some rain is hope, salvation… life.  Rain also signifies regrowth and rebirth.  So the way I see it, I can either focus on the pain, dreariness, and destruction rain can bring….  Or I can let it wash away impurities and ties that try to bind, and look forward to the renewal.

So from this point on, the scent of rain lingering in my personal space  will bring a smile to my face and hope to my spirit.  So for those that say no rain, I say why not? It’s all in how you perceive and receive it.

For some reason, Blind Melon’s “No Rain” comes to mind, it’s one of my favs and just seems to fit right now.

Image  source

Received my 2nd rejection on my contemp IR romance this week. I expected as much, but it still smarts a bit.

The silver lining to this cloud (this thunder cloud that is WFF) is that I’ve been getting revision ideas to implement on the overhaul revision round.  I’m been second guessing myself because the changes (not to the plot, but the actual timing of things) is major.  To implement, it will cause me to let go of 2 ideas that have been with me for 2 years with this wip–translation: not an easy feat.

But, this rejection is making me feel better about implementing them.

I reached another milestone in my journey towards publication. Yesterday, late afternoon-ish, in the midst of a very trying day, I received my very first rejection letter.

And oddly enough, it made me feel better.  Yes, I have been accused  of being strange (in fact I was told to my face quite emphatically this very thing yesterday by a friend  ), but it my mood actually improved after I read it. 

Yes, I’m disappointed that the very first agent I pitched to, and sent my very first submission packet  to, didn’t connect with my writing as I’d hoped.  But this is more than a simple “Thanks, but no thanks”, it’s  badge of courage, as well as part of the progress.  Several of my writing buddies were very supportive of me in accomplishing this milestone and have the courage to “put myself out there” as they put it.

Rejections are par the course for writers.  Success in the publishing game is all relative.  You can be hot today and not two weeks from now.   Many authors, after selling one, or several, books  find themselves in a position where they’re having a tough time selling  their new book(s).

So cheers to me on my very first, and probably not last , rejection letter and to me accomplishing one of my writing goals for this year. Woohoo!   So in the spirit of true perseverance, I will carry on with my wip, polish it up til it shines, and shop it around again.  Who knows, I still have one more submission package out there so there’s hope I may get a request for a full.