La-Tessa Montgomery

Been in a bit of a funk lately, for a multitude of reasons. But from a writing perspective, I’ve been having MAJOR computer issues that have been frustrating, to say the very least. The second (and I mean the second) I get back into rhythm with brainstorming, writing, planning, creating…. the darn thing would either freeze, blink, or just not come the heck on!

But anywho, I have taken care of that problem and I’m officially jumping back into the saddle. I have a 90,000 word manuscript to revise and get in to my mentor, and I’ve given myself about a month to do it.   So it’s time to do it to it!

But, back to my funky mood.  As an author, it’s hard for me to write through certain emotions and trials.  We’re all unique in that we all handle things different. Some of us thrive in the good times, while others are so busy not trusting it, refusing to live in the moment, that doubt and insecurity creep in– effectively chasing the “happy” away.

Without putting too fine a point on things, I’ve been in a bit of a rainy season myself.  This also means different things to different people.  Initially, when I make reference to rain or rainy seasons, I see bleak, gray skies, slippery mud, and crops, roads, and structures washing away in a resulting flood.  A bit gloomy and tenebrous I know, but I do have an active imagination .

To this end, it’s not been a very fun time for me, however rain doesn’t always mean despair.  For some rain is hope, salvation… life.  Rain also signifies regrowth and rebirth.  So the way I see it, I can either focus on the pain, dreariness, and destruction rain can bring….  Or I can let it wash away impurities and ties that try to bind, and look forward to the renewal.

So from this point on, the scent of rain lingering in my personal space  will bring a smile to my face and hope to my spirit.  So for those that say no rain, I say why not? It’s all in how you perceive and receive it.

For some reason, Blind Melon’s “No Rain” comes to mind, it’s one of my favs and just seems to fit right now.

Image  source

I’m being pulled in three distinct directions all at once.  Each demanding attention, each demanding priority.  But which master shall I answer? Will it be Duty, Dreams, or Destruction?

Being in a vortex of one’s thoughts is a scary thing:
      Am I good enough, smart enough?
      Is this the right decision?
      Should I go left, right, forward … backward?
      Will I fail?
      What happens when I do fail?
     Who am I, really?

It’s a painful thing:
      Why am I not enough?
      Must my shortcomings cripple me?
      Will it always be this way?
      Why aren’t I good enough to be first… to be priority… to be only?
      Why am I doing this?
 
It’s an enlightening thing:
      Yes, I’m worth it
      Yes, I deserve it
      Yes, I will … one day I most certainly will
 
The pressure is always greatest at the center. And it also happens to be darkest there as well. Yet if a pinpoint of light is allowed in, we can gain clarity and perspective while swirling & tumbling around the abyss of our own making. 

Only through trials can we face our fears and demons with the opportunity to come through to the other side. Only then can we know who we are, what our worth is, and what we truly value in life and others. 

Steel sharpens steel.  Living, loving, and dreaming is not easy, nor should it be.  Without the occasional stumble and scrape, will we  appreciate the lazy stroll on a clear day?

Total word count produced during Week 1 of the book camp is….  3,809

Not bad, but no where I near I needed to be.  I’ll admit, the NBA Playoffs are seriously messing with my concentration this year (Go GRIZZ!!) but I digress…

At first glance, I was heading into week 2 6,191 words below my weekly goal.  So I knew I had work to do, but I was confident I could do it.  Then I looked at my daily word goals and realized I’d horrible miscalculated my daily word goal. HORRIBLY.  Bascially, I’d only set my goal at half of what it needed to be.  So instead of needing 10,000 words a week, I need 20,000 …

Like I said… I was COMPLETELY off and I blame the playoffs (go GRIZZ!!) for my suspect math calcuation skills.   So actually, I’m heading into week 2  16,191 words off my goal.  (I’m such a spazz sometimes…. LOL)

Ok, I’m off to tackle my real writing goal for the week and I hope to make a dent in my week one deficit as well.  Hmm, I may have to go off grid this week to get anything done.

(But to be clear, going “off grid” does NOT mean I’m giving up any of the Grizz playoff games. I’m  just sayin’ )